The Fat Alarm

Our smoke alarm is really more of a fat alarm than anything else. The only time it ever goes off is when we are frying food. There is never any smoke. Never any fire. No cause for concern at all. But that stupid white disc attached to my ceiling starts beeping the minute I throw something in a pan of oil. And if we are deep frying, it continues to go off about every 5 minutes. To which I take umbrage! What right does that little battery operate contraption have to pass judgment on the food I eat? If I wanted to eat a whole vat of fat (and come on, who doesn't?) I should be able to do so without my household safety devices giving me grief about it.

Though now that I think about it, I wonder if The Fat Alarm would sell? We could call it "Lard Alert", or "The Blubber Buzzer", or something super catchy like that. Would people pay money for a doohickey that reminds them that they are making poor food choices? What if, instead of beeping, it said things like"Are you sure you want to eat that?" or "Step away from the Frying Pan!"? My smoke alarms are all linked so that if one goes off for a certain amount of time, the others throughout the house go off too. The would be a good feature in the Fat Alarm too. So that if you try to sneak in some deep fried twinkies late at night, your spouse, who is watching "Conan" in bed, will be sure to know about it.