I'm only sort of a Criminal

Well, larceny was my crime today. That's right. I robbed a Shopko.

But you should know, I'm not a thief. Really. After my first attempt, I gave it up. This time was an accident. Honest. I just went into Shopko to get one thing. Something totally normal, not something sad and weird like Depends or Female mustache remover or anything like that. And then I had me a hankerin' to watch some Harry Potter, which is also very normal, but they didn't have the one I wanted so I left. It wasn't till I got home and saw my merchandise sitting on the seat next to me, and I started trying to remember PAYING for it, and realized I hadn't. Brilliant.

So I had to go back. I kept trying to decide how I should act. Guilty? Embarrassed? Ditzy? Scatterbrained? Rushed? Angry? In the end I went for matter of fact and the customer service lady obviously couldn't have cared either way. Just rang me up and that was that. Stealing really isn't as exciting as they make it out to be in the movies. I feel like I've been lied to! By the media, of all things!